I just got a new haircut. I looked awesome. It was blown-out and gorgeous. I then washed it. It had more grey than I ever remember. It didn't seem perky, curly or divine. It was frizzy and sad--just one more thing to poke me in the butt and scream "You are 40, HA!". Not only is the baby weight lingering. I have that soft middle, lady-with-a-brood-but-not-pregnant-look. I would like to say that this does not get to me. I would like to think of the women who have had greater struggles. Yet, I just felt crumpled inside. During this pathetic melancholy, I was cleaning and found some old photo albums. Guess what? I had frizzy, not so curly not so awesome hair. In addition, I had that great bag look of the 80s. Who knew what kind of body lurked in there? I guess I realized the outcome is the same as it was over fifteen years ago. So what if inside my head, I see myself like I am the mermaid Ariel? (bright red curly hair with a charming personality!) Most of my pictures are generally unchanged over more than a decade. I guess I get a dye job, get off my butt and do something to help someone else.
5 comments:
Is that picture really your hair?!!!I so feel your pain. Took a pic Sunday am before church to update my FB profile and felt discouraged for the next few hours about how old and tired I look. How is that for vain? And I bet my belly is bigger then yours. I am confused about the Ariel reference? Is the dye too bright? And if so, have you tried a semi permanent instead of a permanent one? Just an idea, born of experience. Love ya and your amazing hair.
Not my hair in the pic. I used to think my hair was like Ariel--in the Little Mermaid. I am thinking I was smoking something!
My hair, my weight, my acne, my not brown eyes, my whiskers...and much more have monopolized too much of my life. And yet I just can't seem to let go...or find a way to make it all what I want it to be.
Just avoid mirrors and cameras. Sometimes denial is the only way to go!
We think you're cute. Plus, I am a sister leaving a comment--proof of having stalked your blog. I told you I did. :)
I'm still trying to figure out how I ended up middle aged. I don't feel middle aged until I look at the wrinkles under my eyes (I've been coloring away the gray since I was in college) and realize how tired I am all the time. I spend a lot of time at work in a brand new early twenty something teacher's room. When did that stop being me? I really realized I am middle aged one day when I was thinking about how good of a teacher he is at such a young age. Then I realized with horror at how old I must seem to him. I try to pretend I don't look forty, but the more nights I go without enough sleep, the older I look and feel. I guess it turns out that growing up my parents weren't old because of their age, they were old because us kids wore them out.
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