The Devil Inside

I am not a good person, ask anyone.  I do not possess inherent goodness.  According to Anne of Green Gables, I'm more like the person who could be wicked and isn't. I don't feel much different than any ordinary person who makes bad choices.   Perhaps,  I should explain. When I wake up in the morning, I don't sigh to myself and say, "hmmm, I need a beer or maybe I will fornicate."   However, I don't fear or shake from the concept of sin.  I just choose not to do it. Yet,  I can see how those foolish choices entice people.  Wouldn't it be a release to just say everything I thought or have some incredible anger tirade?  Or,  maybe it would be good to just be snide or openly jealous. You know,  think of any number of human desires and just give in to them.  For me, it is more about choices than desire.  

That's what I mean, I fight the devil inside all the time.  The larger concepts of grand theft auto, drunkenness or immorality do stop me. Yet, once the most base of human desires are channeled to something else, the evil pops up in small things. For example,  the traffic monitor near our house flashes if one speeds. Sometimes, I can't stand it. I just step on the pedal to see how fast it will flash. I can be petty and jealous.  When the museum sign says don't touch, I touch it.  Actually, I'm learning to stick my hands in my pockets.   In my head, I do make-overs of people I see in public.  I raise my eyebrow, but keep the rude comments inside.   After I get angry and mutter unkind things to myself, I try to think of reasonable excuses for the error a person just made.   

For all two of you who read this, no need to assure me that I really am good. (Or, am I really lying to myself that would happen?)   Let's admit it.  Some of you must deal with the most primitive of people on a regular  basis.  But know this.  We know there is a devil inside.  We just don't shake hands with him...at least not usually.