Creative

Years ago, my husband and I tentatively dipped our feet into parenting. At the time, we expressed our enjoyment of older kids and teens. We thought we would endure those "painful" newborn years. Four babies later, I was chatting with my husband on the phone while I folded newborn clothes to be shipped off to a younger sister. Without forethought or warning, I was surprised by my tears. It seemed as if my body were telling me not to skip lightly over the joy I have had with my newborns.

Despite what I may vocally express or feel, my inner spirit has celebrated the creative event of having children. Yet, my human self has a hard time always being patient with the nature of living. Less than a year ago, I called my husband as I tried to wash dishes with my very pregnant belly. I was tired, frustrated and feeling useless. So, I did what any irrational pregnant woman would do. I yelled at my him. I demanded an "end-date". I wanted to know when this life of chores and repetitive tasks would end. I wanted to know when my PhD started--when the jobs would not be split along gender lines.

A few months later, I find myself weeping over tiny clothes. What is it about this delicate work-state that makes one feel tender inside? My soon-to-be-mother sister asked me this question. I've sat back and thought about it. Being a parent to a newborn is an event full of expectation. I get to meet a new personality. It is an event of love. I get to hold a small body oh so close and solve all of their fears. It is an event of the senses. I get to touch a baby with soft eyes, hair and skin. I can sit back in the quiet of night, breathe in their sweet smell and listen to their quiet cat purring. I can cradle their small heads. I can look at my baby's big eyes and big cheeks as he quietly explores his new world.

Most importantly, I am part of a creative event. My body is strong enough to nourish and build this baby. I carry life within me for nine months. Thereafter, I feed and carry this child as he grows. It is a unique time where this life-giving power awes me. Dieter Uchtdorf, of the LDS church explains:

Isn’t it remarkable to think that your very spirits are fashioned by an endlessly creative and eternally compassionate God? Think about it—your spirit body is a masterpiece, created with a beauty, function, and capacity beyond imagination. But to what end were we created? We were created with the express purpose and potential of experiencing a fulness of joy. Our birthright—and the purpose of our great voyage on this earth—is to seek and experience eternal happiness. One of the ways we find this is by creating things.

This is what I will miss about being a parent to young children. For me, this is what I will miss--this partnership of creation between myself, husband and God. It IS a miracle. A miracle that I cannot always comprehend or appreciate.