Hairy, Scary & Weighty Concerns

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I fought blogging for a long time because it seemed so strange to stick personal details out in public. But then I found how fun it has been to record stuff that just doesn't belong in more serious memoirs. My weighty concern is a personal grooming curse. I have always been a hairy sort of woman. When I taught Asian students in my outreach programs, they would pet my arms and ask me what was wrong. "Genetic misfortune" or having one's family history be ape, I would explain. The malady has always given me the thought laser would be better than the oodles of supplies I purchase in a vain hope it will stop the undergrowth. Laser treatments seemed so extravagant I would stop myself.
Until now...I have the most unfortunate of pregnancy complications. I cannot stop getting ingrown hairs in my rather large (think ape) bikini area. I speak of grotesque monsters with their own names. (If you want further descriptors, I could email--don't think I will provide photos.) I now have a celebratory combination of pain and disfigurement. I have tried vaseline with a positive attitude. I am considering body glide. In addition, it is summer, so I must swim. Yet, those board shorts will not slip over the offenders much longer. I am concerned about the young children I will scar at the swimming pool. Yet, the thought of a very swollen me sitting in a paper bikini with a laser tech doesn't seem to work either. I think I have learned my lessons of vanity.
My husband helped me with this suggestion: "Well, even though you look small, maybe you have gained weight in your thighs and they are rubbing together." Yeah, sweetie here's all my love right back at you! The answer is really to just sit on the couch read US weekly and eat ice cream. What else should a girl do?

Comments

Sarah said…
And why is it that this doesn't belong in your serious memoirs? ;)
July 17, 2009 at 10:24 AM
M+J=K3+E said…
Eat that ice cream all you want, that baby needs the calcium :) As for the amazon forest, dang horomones from the baby. I can blame it all on the baby, just give me a minute to think of it all!!!
July 17, 2009 at 10:39 AM
mindy said…
I tried the laser hair removal...i'm not very good at remembering to shave and it was my husbands subtle gift to me. Let's just say that it didn't work. I had several "sessions" and yet I still have hairy legs. My husband was disappointed. That was a couple of years ago, so maybe there is a better, more effective method out now. Or maybe it works for others but I'm doomed to a life of hairy legs. I'm sure you'd have better luck:) Ice cream is also a viable option.
July 17, 2009 at 11:29 AM
Scott-n-Allison said…
My sister in law chose waxing...she met a little Vietnamese girl that promised to make her smooth inside, outside, upside and backside...she found places with hair my sister in law didn't even know she had! I think she liked the results, but not the process she had to go through.

Good luck my friend, you make me laugh! :)
July 17, 2009 at 11:33 AM
Unknown said…
My husband gifted me an almost full body laser hair removal package for our 10th anniversary. I also had those pesky ingrown hairs that would swell up and get red. In the mornings I would shave and by late afternoon, I had a hair shadow. After my first treatment, I saw a huge difference. I went through two years of treatment and have been very pleased. I still have to shave a little as my treatments ended about 4-5 years ago. But it's nothing that another treatment or two wouldn't fix. Just haven't gotten around to it yet. My husband and I would both say that it's well worth the pain and expense!
July 17, 2009 at 9:38 PM
My Voice Marshfield said…
the teen girls in my branch are all trying "smooth away" as featured on tv. Scar those youngsters--you've lived in Europe!
July 17, 2009 at 10:46 PM
Carolyn said…
genetic misfortune...grotesque monsters with their own names ... tried vaseline with a positive attitude
LOL funny!
Yes, you should consider including such things in your memoirs. Imagine how funny it would have been to read about our Grandma's struggles with such things. (AS IF... Half of the commercials on T.V. today would have sent her into shock. I doubt she could bring herself to discuss ingrown hairs.)
July 19, 2009 at 9:41 PM
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