What I am

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I have been going through a weird phase where I have been examining myself and trying to figure out who I am. Some of it has been reactionary to other things in my life. But, I have also noticed this declaration seems to be in the direction of what I am not. I really wonder if other mothers' children ever make them turn circles in the closet chanting dammit. Or, do others get so worked up in a spousal argument that one's own children declare "mom needs a time-out"? Even after all these life experiences and years of marriage, I still want and expect to be right and implicitly obeyed. Yes, I mean everyone. However, my husband has not signed on for that type of marriage. If I were honest with myself, I wouldn't want that kind of relationship either. I still have a lot of learning to do. So, while I am sitting here thinking of the what nots I am, I thought it might be more affirming to remind myself of what is.

I am:
Surprised by how much I enjoy being a mom. I have had supremely happy days where I enjoy being with my children all day long.
Sentimental. I cry at commercials for the Olympics, first day of school, cute cards, emotional books or any family type commercial.
A Thinker. It is good in that I can really ponder things when I want. Sometimes, I want to turn it off so I can sleep.
Competitive. I get more worked up by races and events than I should at my age/abilities.
Delighted. I love my kids and husband. I am just trying to match/realign my concepts of old-theory feminism and my present life delight.
Stunned. I really thought one figures out life by a certain age. I realize that life is probably much more of a journey than I believed when I was younger. I think it will take much more effort to achieve real change than I originally understood.
Hopeful. I still hope for environmental change, peace and shaved legs before sex.
Reader. I walk into a library sometimes and I almost clap my hands for joy in that room. All of those books are waiting just for me!
Human. I am more aware of my failings and need to learn from others. (well, I usually learn that after stupidly insisting I know everything.)

Comments

Julie said…
Kate- well said! Yes I agree with so much of what you said. As I get older, I realize how much more of life there really is and how much I have to learn.
July 7, 2008 at 11:38 AM
Joanna said…
Well, I am definitely with you on the emotional, reader, thinker...hmmm and so much more! I love to hear what you have to say because it just seems so real! Oh, and did I mention that I always love to be right as well? And I know it's been a long time since you left that comment, but could I get your recipe for sweet potato fries?
July 7, 2008 at 10:00 PM
Anonymous said…
My all time favorite post of yours ever...beautiful. Make sure and keep a copy of this, it is fabulous writing and you will want to read it again and again.
July 8, 2008 at 7:31 PM
Becca said…
YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! You blog!!! See I knew I loved you!!! Get ready for some randomness of my own!!!Not sure you'll think of me the same once you read my blogy blog!!!! And just to warn you ... I overly use the !!!!!! just get used to it! But really I am that excited at times!!!!
July 10, 2008 at 6:28 PM
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