Running Red Momma

Yesterday was Thanksgiving. After escaping years of cooking, I was stuck with turkey duty. This has never been part of my plan. I felt I had nothing to prove by making a turkey. However, the serious facts of life required a turkey to be made or a visit to the local buffet to be done. With much apprehension, I enlisted the help of every adult in the home. My husband was clearly informed that he held the same information that I did. Hence, he would be required to be fully "on deck" with the rest of us. Preparation of the stuffing was hilarious. Stuffing is serious business in my family and I have carefully avoided it for decades. After faithfully following my mother's directions, I was sure we had been deliberately led down a false path. How bitter?A beyond belief, kind of bitter that makes you squish up your face and shake your head with a wincing look. Of course, my sister said we had to use sage in the non-powder form. Clearly, that was the problem. We us...

As I stood in line at the post office, I wondered if my life could follow the same rules. 1. If I am not "ready" for my work I can simply place a sign in front of me that reads Next Window. 2. Although people are lined up to the door and it is quite busy, I can take my lunch break because it is time. 3. My job would have very specific hours and days. 4. I could wear a uniform every day and stop debating what would not emphasize the fact my body is sliding to 40. 5. I would solve one problem at a time by yelling "next!" 6. Instead of being a snoop, I could ask everyone personal questions about the contents of their packages. 7. I when I have a bad day, I am simply going postal. However, I bet no one, after the purchase of stamps and bubble wrap, holds a postal clerk's hand and tells them they love them. Hmmm, guess I won't quit my day job.

After hearing my daughter so easily deter my husband from getting in "trouble", I was reminded of how tricky they are. Children are very clever at using phrases such as "but why doesn't", or "but he didn't do either" ... I reminded him that when one is disciplining a child, one must always "stay on target". This got me thinking, can one parent only by evoking the wisdom of Star Wars? I think so. Wonderful girl--Either I might try to kill her or I'm beginning to like her. What can I say? Kids are a pain in the bum, but gosh they are the cutest. I find your lack of faith disturbing. My kids aren't always sure I know where to drive or how to do something! Aren't they still young enough that I should be in a godlike state for a few more years ?!! Use the force. Sometimes forces is necessary. If you have kids, you have to forcefully (ha-ha) carry a screaming child away from a store or neighbor's house. Don't be shy,...

Dear Desperate, Sad Dude, You must have been trapped to take my purse. Frankly, I can see the lure of using my checkbook to write bogus checks to Maverik. But did you stop to notice the life story in my purse? Let me tell you. I had a passport that finally contained a fabulous picture of me in it. I had to wait ten embarrassing years to stop showing those enormous bangs from the 80s. I actually looked radiant and you took it. It also contained a visa from a once-in-a-lifetime family trip to China. That visa was sentimental to me and is irreplaceable. Sadly, my driver's license looked great too. I told my tragic story to the DMV photo lady. She still made me take a new picture. I actually begged for my old picture to a woman I've never met. Of course, this was the DMV she did not change her mind. I had a gift card to Gymboree which represented guilt-free, matching outfits for two of my daughters. You took that spree! I had just got my Nike running watch fixed. I h...