My place to think out loud or share the ridiculous
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A few days ago, my son asked me if AIS was a swear word. Feeling I was in the moment of teaching and openness, I said, "No, son. A-S-S is a swear word." Guess what my son wrote in big caps with giant chalk and lots of glee? Drrrrr.
I come from a long and hardy line of pioneer women. I am proud of all of them. But one of those proud families has left me with both a curse and blessing. I grew up with a story that has followed me wherever I went. One of these amazing ladies was on the plains and spilled her wheat somewhere en route. Being the resourceful person she was, she promptly baked bread right there. Brigham Young promised her and her family would never starve if they never wasted food. This legend still exists now. One could intellectualize this and say, "duh, if you don't waste you don't starve." However, I have always felt, possibly wrongly, that I have some special obligation to not waste food. So, I wince at quarter bits of hamburger, half-eaten apples and bits of yogurt. I hesitate and think before I throw. My fridge has been sadly filled with bite-size containers of left-overs. I imagined the bony hand of my grandmother slapping my hand if I did not take care of the small bi...
My son hid himself in the blankets of our bed yesterday. He shouted out, "Mom, Dad come I'm lost, come find me!" I whispered, "If I were a sibling I would pop him on the head and say, 'looks like I found you.' " My husband looked at me with puzzlement, " I wouldn't have done that. I don't think my siblings would have done that. What kind of family did you come from?" I gave him a deer in head lights stare-- hmmmm, I thought: a pack of hyenas, blame the brothers, lack of supervision in the home, is he serious, am I just cruel, what for the love is the right answer here? I never did answer the question. He could have been dead on fooling me. Or, he could be right, what kind of family did I come from? Or, worse, do I just have spontaneous evil that springs from the dark recesses of my heart?...........still waiting, guess I just don't have an answer.
Oliver's journey began a long time ago. I couldn't shake the sense we needed another child. Despite many valid concerns, I carefully prayed for a long time. Some of the story is personal, but the end note was a decision to move forward. The pregnancy was full of the usual complaints any pregnant woman would share with you. However, I was stunned by the ultra-sound revealing it to be a boy. I somehow had not made that part of my planning. None of our other health concerns became fact. However, a boy did bring up our fear of autism. (Boys have four times a greater chance of having it.) In our decision to have a baby, we had already discussed concerns of NICU, downs or autism. We felt that even if those events did happen that we should still have this child. In fact, our prayers would still be "answered." Yet when I realized we were having a boy, I was nervous. As the months continued, I observed I had become quite ambivalent about having a boy. It is a terri...
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