Running Red Momma

Although my children are getting older, I still like to sneak up and cuddle them while they sleep. I watched my five-year-old fall asleep as I cuddled him. I couldn't believe how big he is becoming. These were the same hands I held each night when he was in NICU. The dimpled, fat hands have been replaced with mud, cuts and nails that need clipping. If a genie lamp had been there at that very moment, I would wish to hold each child as a young baby for one more long time. As I sat there pondering the brevity of it all, I got weepy. I have tried to relish my time as a mom, yet it can be so fleeting. Tears were quietly falling on his blanket as I looked at him. Suddenly, he turned gave me his firecracker smile and started picking his nose. Did he know just what I needed to stop crying? Yup, I got up, removed my hands and got on with my life.

My brother sent this picture around to my family last night. He then explained it was how I (me) would look if I had been raised by red-necks. After a tired week of kids, I got a big horse laugh from it. Some family members were concerned I would be hurt by it. But, if you knew me in my glory of youth, I did have a mangy beast of crazy hair. One friend called it a brillo pad. The look was complete with glasses and braces. Yes, I did bring science fiction novels to dances. Bring on the jabs of my looks a long time ago! I earned it. Thank heavens you can have a good chuckle at your past. It makes me feel a little more mellow and self-confident. If only my 40 year-old-self could come talk to me as I stood against the wall at dances. Now, I just need the 80 year-old -me to laugh at my 40 year-old and to remind her to get over the small stuff and take each day easy.

I have been cleaning while listening to a cd about babies. The author explains how his wife never looked as beautiful as she did while giving birth. As Mother's Day was here, I thought I would be obtuse and ask my husband if he held the same sentiment. Really, why do we do this? "Does this make me look fat? How do these pants make me look?" Or, the best, "Do you like this haircut?" So, I pushed and pulled wondering how my husband perceived this day. " Maybe husbands need to see their wives looking different to look beautiful. I always find you radiant," he said. And on it went, until in a nutshell, it really was more like "you looked like hell and totally relieved to have that baby out of there." I realize I was stupid for placing my husband in one of those dammed if you do and dammed if you don't scenarios. I just wanted the truth. I got it. We laughed at how ridiculous I was--yet I think I was definitely looking for the lie. I...

I only have four kids. But, little gets done and my standards are low. This is pretty much a typical day right now: 2:30-3:00 am Feed and care for baby 5:00 -5:30 am Feed baby 7:00-8:00 am Breakfast, spelling tests and the constant phrase "get dressed, get dressed!" 8:00-9:00 am Feed baby, walk around with screaming baby, finally feed him a bottle, wonder if he is done nursing 9:15 am call neighbor ask how her kids quit nursing, get really sad that youngest is already getting older 9:30 play blocks with 3-year-old 10:00 try to get dressed and hope teeth will get brushed and I will get a shower 10:15 school principal returns call--discuss needed improvement in math program 10:30 kindergarten pick-up & grocery errands 11:30 Feed baby, wonder if G's eyes look sick, should I go to doctor? 12:30 Research pink eye and make lunch for kids--keep calling doc office to get in to office, hold two sad kids on two knees try to not let pink eye touch the baby eye 1:40 Make doc ...