Running Red Momma

I come from a long and hardy line of pioneer women. I am proud of all of them. But one of those proud families has left me with both a curse and blessing. I grew up with a story that has followed me wherever I went. One of these amazing ladies was on the plains and spilled her wheat somewhere en route. Being the resourceful person she was, she promptly baked bread right there. Brigham Young promised her and her family would never starve if they never wasted food. This legend still exists now. One could intellectualize this and say, "duh, if you don't waste you don't starve." However, I have always felt, possibly wrongly, that I have some special obligation to not waste food. So, I wince at quarter bits of hamburger, half-eaten apples and bits of yogurt. I hesitate and think before I throw. My fridge has been sadly filled with bite-size containers of left-overs. I imagined the bony hand of my grandmother slapping my hand if I did not take care of the small bi...

I turned 39 yesterday. I wanted to embrace every year and celebrate who I am. Well, I thought about posting a picture of me in a bikini. Stop laughing now. It would be a symbolic concept of me embracing who I am. It would be bold. IT WOULD BE ON THE INTERNET!!! So, I didn't. Instead, I got up at five and tested out my new Garmin .Thanks Babe! I ate my favorite breakfast of raspberries, blueberries and strawberries with cream. Yes, you read that right--straight cream poured like milk. YUMMMMY! I then took the kiddos and did some weeding, rose clipping and porch scraping for new paint. Thereafter, I wanted to make sure I had my birthday just right. I made myself a coconut cream pie. J. thought I was a little pathetic to make my own pie. "Mom, shouldn't that be a surprise?" I explained that if one (me) is particular about one's birthday cake, one should do it themselves. I cut a quick slice, sang with the kids and then we jumped in the car for crazy day a...

I have finally learned the ultimate in the difference between men and women. I had a dream I was driving an enormous bulldozer/steamroller contraption. I looked like a little Fisher-Price toy as I straddled the top of it. As I came up the street, I was stuck in a must parallel park situation. Some how, thanks to the miracle of dream technology, I parked it! I was so impressed with myself in that dream. I woke up with a sense of accomplishment. However, when I told my husband the story, he responded, "Did it have a double axel?" Hmmm, did he not just hear I parallel parked a bulldozer?!!!! I guess dream technology does not transfer to reality.

I have been going through a weird phase where I have been examining myself and trying to figure out who I am. Some of it has been reactionary to other things in my life. But, I have also noticed this declaration seems to be in the direction of what I am not . I really wonder if other mothers' children ever make them turn circles in the closet chanting dammit. Or, do others get so worked up in a spousal argument that one's own children declare "mom needs a time-out"? Even after all these life experiences and years of marriage, I still want and expect to be right and implicitly obeyed. Yes, I mean everyone. However, my husband has not signed on for that type of marriage. If I were honest with myself, I wouldn't want that kind of relationship either. I still have a lot of learning to do. So, while I am sitting here thinking of the what nots I am, I thought it might be more affirming to remind myself of what is . I am: Surprised by how much I enjoy bein...